Nobody wants to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. Falling victim to the chemical alterations of substances is not something to be ashamed of. However, our society stigmatizes and shames addiction as well as alcoholism. Denial is an easy way to avoid having to dive deeper into that shame and ask for help. These are some signs you have developed a chemical dependency, but are still in denial that anything is wrong.
Struggling in Sobriety
Physically, you’re finding that it is difficult to wake up and get out of bed in the morning without feeling a little…off. Despite your best intentions to stay sober that day (really stay sober that day, because you mean it) you find that you’re unable to get going at all. The only thing which seems to be a logical answer is: you just need a little bit of alcohol or a hit of drugs to get you going. After that, you’re definitely staying sober the rest of the day. That way, you won’t wake up in the same position tomorrow. Inevitably, you use again. You can’t understand why. By midafternoon, you’re experiencing shakes and tremors. Anxiety sets in along with sweat and a bit of paranoia. Does everyone else around you know that you are having a problem? Do you even know you’re having a problem? It’s okay, you tell yourself…just a little bit more, to hold you over.
Behaviorally, you find you’re having to lie a lot more. You can’t make it to work on time or perform in your job like you used to. Friends, family members, and coworkers have a funny look on their face when they see you. You don’t want people to know what’s going on, mostly because you don’t exactly understand what’s going on. Yet you’re always waking up without more understanding.
To say you don’t feel like yourself would mean having to remember what it feels like to feel like yourself. The truth is, you can’t remember what it feels like to just be you. Lately, you can’t be you, or something even close to you, without drugs and/or alcohol. When you tell yourself you can manage it, you know that you are lying. It’s been getting worse for some time and there is no sign that you’ll be regaining control anytime soon. Shame, guilt, fear, and confusion are taking over the otherwise enjoyable parts of who you are.