Recovery Can Mean Making Amends In Old Friendships Which Isn’t Always Comfortable










We get to a step in our recovery that asks us to make direct amends with people we have harmed whenever we have the chance to do so. The task seems daunting. Couldn’t we just let bygones be bygones? Unfortunately, the addict and alcoholic are prone to harboring resentments and holding grudges, which can get in the way of total recovery.

Write Or Call Ahead Of Time

It’s an awkward moment, but it’s necessary in order to break the first level of the ice. Calling and doing the whole thing off shoot will be too abrupt. Instead, you have to first make the connection and plan a time to talk. More importantly, you have to ask if they are willing to speak to you. Making an amends has a stipulation according to the terminology of the twelve steps: unless to do so would injure them or others. When addiction and alcoholism become a part of life they can interfere in relationships in hurtful ways. For some people, it is hard to let go of the past. Remember, you aren’t trying to make an apology, you’re making an amends. This means you are attempting to right a wrong and make up for the past, not just excuse it.

Don’t Have Any Expectations

If your friend decides to meet and talk, it’s important for you not to have any expectations. Say you expect them to be excited to see you and they’re not. They’re willing to see you and talk, but they’re still holding onto old hurts. The best way to approach making an amends with an old friend is with no expectations. Having low expectations means you leave room to be surprised and you leave little room to be disappointed. Those in recovery tend to have issues with control. You cannot control how this conversation will go or how your friend will react. Most often, people are relieved to hear about your journey into recovery and want to support you.

Time Takes Time, So Let It

Repairing an old friendship can take time, even after making amends. Having low expectations is paired with having a high amount of patience. You have to have patience and let the relationship unfold as it is supposed to. By way of your daily practice in recovery, you’ve learned that recovery can only happen one day at a time, not any more quickly and not any more slowly. Take care of you and your recovery first, which is the best thing you could do to contribute to your repairing relationship.


Lakehouse Recovery Center wants to show you how to build a lifestyle of recovery and discover how to have fun again. Call us today for information on our treatment programs and twelve month aftercare, at  877.762.3707.



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